GIR's Friday Night Live
by ShNLo
Summary: When GIR decides to host his own talkshow, things get pretty nutty pretty fast... can you handle the nuttiness? A collection of onechapter stories.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: -Hisses a sigh- I do not own Invader ZIM. Invader ZIM is copyrighted by Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon Studios.

Well… this is just a little goofy fanfiction I made up about GIR hosting a talk-show – Eh, tell me what you think of it.

Announcer: Aaaaaand now, here's your host of Friday Night Live… (Pauses for dramatic effect. Two spotlights turn on and begin zigzagging around the stage, illuminating three chairs and a desk, where a very small figure is sitting. The spotlights slow and finally stop on the figure, revealing a blue-and-silver robot with large eyes.) …GIIIIIIIR!

GIR: (Smiles and waves to a cheering, screaming, whistling crowd, and giggles.) AH'M ON TV!

Announcer: And now, our first guest… (The cameras shift to the left-stage entrance, where a shadowy figure is emerging. The spotlights are thrown on the figure, to reveal…) …MARTIN MYSTERY!

Martin: (Poses model-ishly, to the adoration of girls who sigh happily and fall on a heap in front of the stage, to be trampled by other people, screaming and cheering and whistling.) Hello there, ladies. (Smiles slyly and gives a thumbs-up to GIR, who giggles harder than ever and falls off his chair.)

Martin: (Prances his way over to the first chair, and sits down in it in the most regal way possible. GIR has regained his seating, as the voice of the announcer booms over the heads of the crowd, drowning out the slowly dying cheers.)

Announcer: And here's our second guest… (The cameras switch now to the right stage entrance, where a tall figure appears in shadow. The lights are cast upon the new figure, revealing a girl of Martin's age.) …DIANA LOMBARD!

Martin: (Falls off his chair to the amusement of the crowd.) DIANA! But I – But you – BUT –

Diana: (Cuts him off by smirking haughtily and sauntering over to the second chair from the desk, next to Martin.) I know. You threw out my invitation, but thankfully for my adoring fans, our host decided to send me two.

GIR: (Smiles hugely.) SHE OWNS A SQUIRREHLLY!

Announcer: (Clears throat and interrupts their conversation.) And for our last and final guest… (The camera cuts once more the left side stage.) …NORMAL BOY ZIIIIIM! (ZIM enters looking very superior indeed. He swaggers over to the final chair and sits down, then looks in surprise at Martin and Diana.)

ZIM: (Loudly he begins to talk.) Hello filthy human worm-babies, I am absolutely normal, and you can see that by my appearance on the –

Martin: Oh my gosh, he's an alien! (Points heatedly at ZIM.)

Diana: (Defending ZIM's case.) MARTIN! That has to be _the_ most _pig-headed_ idea you have ever had! He's not an alien! He has _hair_. Do aliens have hair?

ZIM: (Donning a fake look of sadness.) Thank you, Diana, but I'm not worthy of your defense…

Diana: (Softens and gives him a hug. Over her shoulder, ZIM shoots a triumphant look at Martin.) Oh, you poor thing. You must be so misunderstood. (Turns around with a murderous look to Martin.) I'm sure my pig-headed brother didn't mean it.

Martin: I did so –

GIR: LESSGETTON WIDDA QUESTIONS! (Stares at Martin for a moment before the spotlights fix on Martin and GIR, tossing ZIM and Diana into shadow.)

GIR: (Starts talking all talk-show-hostey like.) So, Martin, tell us of your life.

Martin: Well, GIR, I began to be interested in aliens at a very young age. Aliens and monsters, anything paranormal, sparked my imagination to the brim, and –

Voice: (Diana's voice icily cuts through Martin's talking.) And you began to believe in the stupidest things –

Martin: (Screams at Diana in the shadows.) NOBODY ASKED YOU!

Diana: (Squeaks an apology and goes silent.)

Martin: Anyway, as I was saying, the limits of possibilities for paranormal studies was endless at the time, and at the age of sixteen my sister and I were enlisted in the –

Diana: (Interrupts him.) In theeee, eh, Paranormal Investigators! (Breathes a loud sigh at being able to come up with something so fast.)

Martin: (Annoyed) Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. The 'Paranormal Investigators'. And so we began our –

GIR: (Interrupting Martin for the third time since the question was asked, begins to scream.) LEPRECHAUNS! WHERE ARE MY LEPRECHAUNS! LEEEEEEEEEPREEEEEECHAAAAAAAAUNS!

ZIM: (Begins screaming as well.) GIR! STOP THAT! GIR! STOP SCREAMING!

Announcer: (Points out.) You're screaming too.

ZIM: (Hesitates before screaming) I AM NOT SCREAMING!

Announcer: (Sighs) Yes you are.

ZIM: SILENCE!

Martin: (After the annoyed ness wears off, he starts rolling around on the floor, laughing his head off as ZIM continues to scream at GIR, who is continuing to scream about leprechauns.)

Diana: That's IT! I've had ENOUGH! (Storms off the stage in a screaming rage.)

ZIM: (Screams in absolute horror and anger and zooms off the stage through the right of the screen, opposite Diana.) GYAAAAAAAAAAH!

Martin: (Wipes a tear from his eye and sits up, he and GIR being the only ones left. The crowd begins to clap hesitantly.)

GIR: (Throws up his hands and screams.) I LUFF YEW PEOPLE! (The crowd throws off it's hesitant-ness and begins to scream, cheer, and whistle. GIR jumps on Martin's head.) I LUFF YEWR HAIR!

Martin: …Oooookay… (Affectionately pats the nutsy little robot, who is clinging to his hair.)

Announcer: AND SO CONCLUDES THIS SESSION OOOOOOF…

(Friday Night Live's theme music plays in the backround)

Announcer: FRIDAY – (Crowd begins to clap) – NIGHT – (Crowd begins to cheer) – LIIIIIIIIIIIVE! (Crowd screams, cheers, claps, whistles, and waves as Martin and GIR exit the stage waving cheerily.)

GIR: (Imitating Snagglepuss) EXIT, STAGE RIGHT!

A/N: Well, there it is. This was so fun, I think I might do another one. You could give me suggestions as to who GIR could interview. And as for the Snagglepuss imitation… you all remember Snagglepuss, don't you? 'Cause if you don't, that means I'm old. –Screams- I DUN WANNA BE OLD! -Jabs random person with a spork-

-Clears throat- Ahem. Okay. Sorry for that. So anyway, PLEASE REVIEW… Though I don't wanna sound like a beggar. So yeah. Just, eh, review, AND MAKE THIS AUTHOR HAPPY!

-Whispers, imitating GIR.- I love the little reviews… I love them good.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! Thank you all SO much for the wonderful reviews! -Sniffle.- I love my adoring public.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader ZIM, Spyro the Dragon ™, Crash Bandicoot ™, or anybody else mentioned in this. The ideas mentioned in this chapter, however, are entirely my own.

Announcer: And now, the thing you've all been waiting for… FRIDAY NIGHT LIIIIVE! (The crowd in the studio erupts into whistling and cheering. When the crowd calms down, the announcer's voice booms out again.) And now, for our host… He who says, "Bow down to squirrels"! …GIIIIIIIIIIIR!

GIR: (Walks onstage smiling as wide as possible, waving his metallic arms around to his adoring fans. Out of nowhere he produces a rabid squirrel and throws it maniacally into the crowd. Screams erupt from one person, and then they go quiet.) HI!

Announcer: Er, well… yes. (Hissing to the stage crew.) Can somebody get that body out of here! Thank you. (Clears his throat and goes back to announcing.) And now, for our first guest – clear from the Dragon Realms themselves – that favorite purple, winged, fire-breathing dragon – SPYROOOOOOOO! (The spotlights train upon the right stage entrance, and all of a sudden a figure comes tumbling out of the entrance.)

Spyro: HEY! I didn't ask for you to throw me in here. (Huffily he stands up, waves to something in the right stage entrance, and out flies Sparx the dragonfly. He buzzes over to Spyro and then hovers over GIR, who jumps up on the desk and tries to catch him.)

GIR: WAIT! COME BACK! I NEEEEEEEED YOU! (Continues to hop up and down on the wooden desk, trying to catch the wary dragonfly, who buzzes around just out of reach.)

Sparx: Bzzzzz! Bzzzzz bzzz! (Buzzes angrily and flies back over to Spyro.)

Spyro: Dude… what's with the robot? (A man from the stage crew comes up and begins to whisper in Spyro's ear.) Uh huh… my host? Oh… okay. Later, dude. (The man jumps offstage and Spyro jumps up into the nearest plush chair. He looks around, then settles in as the Announcer's voice cuts over the crowd.)

Announcer: And now, for our second guest... that furry, loveable anthro… clear from Dingo Canyon! He who says "Crash Bandicoot would make good toast, if only I could catch him"… DINGO-DIIIIIIILE!

Voice: (Coming from the left stage entrance.) Tha's Dingodile, mate. No Dingo-dile 'bout it. (Dingodile enters from the left stage entrance, his flamethrower slung on his back.)

GIR: (Giggles) YOU LOOK LIKE A DAWGGEH! (Jumps on Dingodile, clinging to his ears.)

Dingodile: Oy! Gerroff! (He pries the insane little robot from his ears and sets it on the desk, sitting down in the second plush chair.) G'day, mates. (The crowd goes wild for the weird-looking bad-guy. He grins a toothy crocodile grin.)

GIR: (Finding a sudden interest in the camera, GIR flies off the desk and clings to the front of the camera.) HI CAMERA! YOU NEED A SAMMICH! (Pulls out a ham and mayonnaise sandwich and attempts to feed it to the camera.)

Camera Man: GIR! GIR, GET OFF THE CAMERA! (A black-gloved fist appears from around the camera, waving it at GIR.)

GIR: (Falls to the floor and then snaps to attention, his bright blue parts turning a blood red.) YES, MY MASTER! (Turns blue again and then runs up to the desk, hitting his head on it and falling over with a metallic clang. He then flips over on the floor, and crawls around the side of the desk. He pops up again behind the desk, shuffles some papers, and smiles like a talk-show host should.)

Camera Man: Good GIR.

Announcer: (Clearing throat.) Ahem. Um, so, anyway, our next guest is –

GIR: (Suddenly and out of nowhere pulls out a sandwich and flings it at the cameraman.)

Camera Man: YOU DARE THROW A SANDWICH AT ZIIIIIIM? PREPARE TO FACE YOUR IMMINENT DOOM!

GIR: I LIKE DOOM!

Camera Man: … (Hesitates.) Uh… okay. (He goes back to the camera.)

Announcer: (Rather angrily) As I was SAYING.

Spyro: What were you saying? (Looks confused by all the madness.)

Announcer: …Uh… (Long pause.) …I…Don't…Know.

Dingodile: (Rolling his eyes.) Th's's groit and all, bu' shouln't we getton with tha next guest?

Announcer: OH! Right. (Clears throat for the third time.) For our third and final guest… and we'll skip the introduction… ALMIGHTY TALLEST RRRRRRRED!

Red: (Floats onstage through the right entrance looking hurt that the stupid human would not want to do his introduction.) I had a nice intro. (Shrugs and sits down in the last chair, whereupon he recieves stares from both Dingodile and Spyro.)

Spyro: What are you supposed to be, some kinda space alien?

Red: Eh-heh-heh. (Fidgets, looking guilty.)

Dingodile: (To himself) I wonder if he'd make good toast.

Red: (Eyes widen.)

GIR: HOMYGOSH LESSGETTON WIDDA QUESTIONS! (Calms down and looks very talk-show-hosty.) So, Spyro, I'm sure our audience has heard of your AMAZING adventure in Avalar.

Audience Voice: I HAVEN'T!

ZIM: SILENCE FOOLISH PIG HUMAN! DO NOT QUESTION THE SPYRONESS… NESS! (Produces and throws at another rabid squirrel.)

GIR: (Ignoring the screams from the foolish pig human) Please tell us, Spyro, were there any particular highlights that you liked about your trip?

Spyro: Well, GIR, I could say that I enjoyed the Skelos Badlands – all that heat made me feel like a young dragon again, in Mama's nest.

Crowd: (Awwws.)

GIR: (Chuckles very un-GIRishly.) Yes, I'm sure it did. I've heard that the CatBat Quartet is very lovely in the Spring down around there. Wonderful music, wouldn't you say?

Spyro: (Blinks in confusion.) The CatBat Quartet doesn't –

GIR: NESS QUESITON! (The lights focus on Dingodile now.) So Dingodile. I've heard that you're a pretty darn good racer. What lead to your life as a race-kart driver?

Dingodile: Well, mate, Cortex said I shoul' race fer 'im and bea' tha' Crash Bandicoot, 'e did. Af'er pumpin' up mah kart wit' mah flamethrowa 'ere and 'avin tha mos' fas'est kart 'round, I decided I liked it.

GIR: Sounds very interesting. Some people have been passing it around that you're Australian. Does that have any truth to it?

Dingodile: Yup, it does, mate. Mah dingo side came from Australia, it did; mah crocodile side came from Africa, though. Bu' tha Australian accent stuck with me, sure 'nuff.

GIR: Yes. I hear in Africa the crocodiles are big enough to eat men! Is that true?

Dingodile: (Blinking.) Wha' das tha' haveta do wit –

GIR: MOVIN' AWN! (He jumps up on the desk and waves to the lights person. The lights swing off of Dingodile and onto Tallest Red, who screams and trys to hide his eyes.)

Red: IT BURNS! MY EYES! MY EYES!

GIR: I LUFF YEWR EYES! DEY SO PURTY AND RED, LIKE RUBYS THEY ARE! (Calms down.) Questions, begin we must.

Red: Why are you talking like Yoda?

GIR: Know this, I do not.

Red: (Blinks and shrugs.) Ah well.

GIR: Leader of Irkens, you are?

Red: Well, part-leader. Purple also rules with me. (Waves to the camera.) Hi Purple!

GIR: End this show, we must.

Red: But you only asked me one quest –

GIR: G'BYE EVERYBODEH! (He leaps down from the desk and runs screaming from the room. The guests all stand up and leave.)

Announcer: (Sounding startled.) Well… ahem… AND SO CONCLUDES THIS EPISODE OF FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE! Tune in next time for an EXCLUSIVE guest!

(The crowd roars as the show fades off the screen to be replaced by a screen.)

Screen with words: NO RABID SQUIRRELS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS PROGRAM. HUMANS, HOWEVER, WE CAN NOT SAY.

A/N: XD HAHAHA! This is so hilariously fun. Again, thank you for all the wonderful reviews on the first interview session. And as for the exclusive guest… I'm not gonna say. –Winkwink.- You'll just have to wait and see. I'll post the next chapter when I get ten reviews total.


End file.
